Currently Listening The Fat of the Land By The Prodigy see related

Theres so much that I havnt updated on! theres so much I want to say! now i cant remember it all  I'm such a dumbass sometimes. Anyways, heres what I do remember:

The holidays went good. I got an ipod, cloths, some movies, and a couple gift cards for christmas. All was well for once. Robert called me in the morning and wished me a merry christmas. no one had ever done that for me and it ment so much. Well, christmas passed and the 28th rolled around (our 7 months! hehe). That was the day that robert came up to see me  His whole visit went great, and he gave me a bracelet locket and a ring and asked me to marry him hehe of course i said yes. The rest of the visit went great as well, he really adored josh and megan. I had never kissed anyone on new years before, but i got to this year! and not only did I get a kiss...well...we wont go there right now  

So, of course, he had to leave. I didnt want him to. I really didnt. We were standing waiting on the bus, and I couldnt help but cry.  I didnt want to leave, I wanted him to come back home with me, even Brad said we were going to take him back. As we got closer I was crying harder and I didnt want him to see me cry so I told him I was going to go and said goodbye and left with Amber. Her and i both started crying as we were walking back to the car, and she told me not to because brad would pick on us lol But it was alright, he called when he got to pittsburg and made me smile

After all that, that night I got soooooooo sick. It was so bad, and so nasty, I was thinking i was going to die. lucky me, huh? I missed the first two days back to school and am still makeing up work. suckness. But its all good, I went to a party this weekend which I'll get into a little deeper in a sec. I'm surprised no one in my house got sick. My mom had a tummy ache and i laughed at her in glee, but it went away by mornign and I felt like an ass lol

Well, Leslie and Erika and I went to the mall friday after school. we ficked around for awhile and got some things and she got this really cute corsette from hot topic..she looks so hot in it, its degradeing! shes so skinny and pretty and I want to be able to wear things like that and look that good.  She had diet pills on her, and she gave erika and I one, then we went to wal mart and erika and I both got some of our own. I started takeing them and desided i'd start watching what I eat. I dont want to look like me any more  we also got like a thousand condoms lol diff flavors and sizes..she was like "I just want to taste one" LMAO I about lost it. "Intense pleasure? well, hell, I should just stick it on my fingers and fuck myself right now!" LMAO

So, anyways, we were going to stay at one of Leslie's freinds houses, and when something happened to cause all this drama between them, we went to her grandma's house (her g-ma is in Florida, so we hung out in there for awhile until things cooled down) and it was so cold in there! the heat wasnt on, but it was cool. Erika was upset and felt awkward because of the things we were doing, and I felt really bad. I know I shouldnt have been doing the things I was, and I dont really want to talk about them, but it was just me being cought up in the moment. I wanted to go have fun and party for awhile, I didnt want to go back home and sleep, so I stayed with Leslie, but I felt/feel so bad for leaveing erika.

It was one crazy night. We went back to his house and things were ok. I met some people and then one of the guys made me a bed and we finally crashed at about 5 AM or so. Leslie stayed with Jake and I was with Braxton, and she came into the room about 10:30 and I was so passed out and so was he, so she let us sleep. Braxton had propped the door against the door way because the hinges were broken, and I had to pee so bad about half way through the night, but I didnt say anything because he had fallen asleep and I was afrade to move the door myself lol but anyways, she came in again at about 12:30 and woke me up, he got up too and I finally peed lol so we left and went back to her work and got some free food lol it was cool, I had a good time reguardless of the things I had done. They were really bothering me, and I didnt know how to act the next day with those thigns on my mind, and I think I hurt robert with not wanting to talk about them. I'm sorry hunnie....I still dont want to talk about them.

Hmm so anyways, I've layed around all day today watching movies. I've accually exercised for about an hour today lol 10 minutes here, 15 there, 30 seconds there, all together about an hour lol go me.  

I wanted to go driveing today, but mom said no  oh well.

I guess that about does it. I'll prob think of some more things later.

Daney *My roots are showing brighter then your bare ass* Rae

Currently Listening Carnival of Carnage By Insane Clown Posse see related

6 MONTHS!!!

I'm so happy. I love him so much. 6 months already. wow. I cant believe it. I love him so much. Theres nothing I've been more happy about then being with him for the last 6 months. I love you baby.

Daney *loves her snowflake more then life* Rae

So heres what u cant seem to see thats bothering me....rather, lets just keep talking about you and whats bothering you, never asking me whats wrong..maybe u just cant see it? .....

1.I'm terrifyed. Anthony threatened to practicly kill amber and I. Thats great. I'm scared shitless. Should I turn him in? Go to the cops? Even if he does get thrown in jail, he wont get long, and when he gets out, he'll have more motivation to kill us. A restsrainting order wont keep someone from killing someone else if they really want them dead that bad.

2. My grandmother is in the hospital. She's suicidal. Shes in a mental unit. WTF? a 57 year old woman being suicidal? v.v we couldnt find her, because when ur in that unit, they dont tell anyone ur there. We couldnt find my grandpa either, and the roads are bad and he has sleep apnea...he'll fall asleep at the wheel and get in a crash...I cant loose both my grandparents....

3. I hate holidays. Family always fights. I want to escape this all...

i suppose thats it. I hate complaining...but no one is listening...so idk if thats complaining or not....

daney *falling apart inside* rae

Currently Listening How Do You Like Me Now By Toby Keith You shouldnt kiss me like this see related

So i'm completely suppost to be doing my debate briefs..and i know i should cuz hinkel will have my ass if i dont, but my heart just isnt in the right place to do this. if the week keeps going like it is, come Saturday, I wont have the ability to stop myself from crying, and a crying debater is not what we want. i have to sit down with Laura tomorrow and go over everything...I'm not ready for all this, i know i'm not. the stress of everything is tearing me up inside....

Nate walked his way back into my life last night. If you know anythign about me, you know about Nate...yes, that nate. I was balling my eyes out. I didnt knwo what to say to him. He said all the right things, and I couldnt come up with a single thing to say, and he made the comment "your not saying anything, so that just reassures me that I'm right, and I can say that, at least I have my dignity" Thats one thing I loved about him, he always threw sarcasm in everythign he said, and he stil does it. No matter what mood we're both in, he makes a silly comment like that and I just have to smile. Every time he made one of those comments I smiled, but cried harder because I missed it. We always reminded me of Dan and Roseanne Connor...and I've always wanted a relationship like that, always being sarcastic and fun yet stern when need-be... thats just how it was with us.

When katie reads this, she'll be pissed. She tried so hard for all this to be over with, and so did Erika. Erika told him if he ever hurt me again, she'd kill him, and he keeps walking into and breaking my heart again, and i know one of these days, erika is literally going to kill him. she had him snot-nose balling one time and completely afrade to talk to her again, but he did anyhow because hes a head-strong cancer. He said those words...those little words I havnt heard from him in so long..I got off the phone with him and cried...not balled, cried...smiles through some of it...but tears streamed there way down my face. I didnt wimper and breath heavy, I stayed calm. I always call that my heart crying. When I cry with heavy breathing and gasping and all that snot noseness, its my mind crying.

When he said that, I told him what I had to say back, and then he reapeated my name.."daney..?"              "yes?"           "daney...?"        "yes Nate?"        "daney...?"             "whaty?" *big smile*

That was our thing. he'd say my name, i'd say whaty, and he got the biggest kick out of it. i cant believe it took me 3 tries to remember that...

*sigh* I dont know guys. I've got two hurricanes blowing right at me at full speed, and several others at half power, slowly building up on me..its getting harder to stand outside with them all blowing in differant directions.

Robert, if u read this, dont think anything of it.

Daney *when you walk away from me, ur walking from my heart* Rae